And then there was One
Posted March 06, 2013
Today I closed my eyes to meet The girl nobody ever really saw She's been around all of my life Keeping me 'safe' So much anxiety and stress Helas, that's what you taught me The little voice inside my head But was it yours or Hers? As I tell Her to leave the room Your hand no longer tight in Hers I see a change, an altered child Carefree and oh so playful Your slender arms reach out to me You realize that I see you And when I hear a soft 'I love you', I break down and I cry ...
Posted March 02, 2013
You drifted far away Not just from me But from the world You turned inwards Locked everyone out Your world, your struggle And you won the battle I know you did You got it back Your trust in life Your trust in you And thank god ... me Only 7 years young Not able to get it Lots of times And yet .... There you are My beautiful son You reconnected With the world With me I'm so proud of you!
Posted August 19, 2012
She's waiting in her solitary tower Her long fair hair down to the ground Waiting for that exclusive 'knight' To rescue her Expecting Mr. Wonderful and Perfect To finally arrive and set her free So they can be immensely happy Ever after Now why the hell doesn't she just Tie that strong long hair to the bed Or maybe to the window frame And leave? Why does she let her fate depend Entirely upon one single person What makes her think she can not do This herself? Frankly ......
I will be free
Posted July 14, 2012
It seemed to be Under control A smile here Agree there So polite Life seemed easier Without conflicts Why confront? Better not Speak up I never realized How destructive Anger can be When turned Inwards My soul needs more It can not breath Be happy Or free In anger This silenced rage Deserves a voice I will confront And I will Speak up And I will scream Let it ALL out Until all anger Within me Is set free Then I will be free! And I will! :-) This p...
Posted June 21, 2012
Thoughts are chasing each other Cycles of useless old obsessions So tired, I am too damn tired To silence all the questions A little girl's voice inside my head Keeps shouting 'to be strong' at me We can do it, WE will not give up I've never felt so lonely, WE??? Tried for so long to do it on my own It's hard to ask for help or care And even though I learned a lot Even most of my friends are unaware Really, I don't blame them here They are in their own combat zone I send ...
Posted June 16, 2012
It was never about me And that's okay That's what I 'should' say But it's not It's definitely not okay yet I'm sad and angry Some at you But mostly at me Oh, I understand now It all makes sense to me I felt it once before Pushed it away Did never ever want The slightest bit Of feeling second best So I listen to music Sad music of course To make me cry So I can let it go It will end the hurt I'm letting go the pain Because it's part Of something 'old' It was not a m...
Posted April 18, 2012
For the 'bunny' challenge .... Thank you dear Morraha, this is so much fun! The image we were inspired by is this one: http://www.bluecanvas.com/art-detail/350416 Hey you! Tell me, where did the colors go? There's only grey out here I feel so numb and so alone No peer I really want some company I feel so trapped in here My mask hides me Myself and I And fear My jeans and bright red shoes Why do you not see them? I've tried to fit right in Been waiting here 7 to 12 p.m....
Posted April 12, 2012
This week I told my dear friend Morraha that I suffered from a sort of writers block and told her that I could do with an 'assignment' including a deadline (I find myself more creative with a deadline ahead). She took that very seriously :-) and came with the following link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kS9SUmAyKWM&feature=related And so ...... here it is. It's way past my bedtime now, I couldn't stop, it had to be finished: Anymore, Anyless We met in a field full of poppies I fou...
The Shadow and the Hat
Posted April 05, 2012
There once was a shadow A dark, depressing thing Never up, always below And oh how it would cling I saw it talking to a bird Yet never heard it's voice No sound, no single word I wondered if it was by choice Then one day the little brat Met a new friend at dawn It was a fashionable straw hat Now both of them are gone
Even without music
Posted February 20, 2012
I feel you closing in Your energy touches me Even at a distance I smile, content And close my eyes Your hands meet mine Fiery flashes interchange The connection is spellbinding I hold my breath And open my eyes As you pull me closer Our favorite song sets in The music makes us move You lead, I follow Your eyes meet mine The love song that is us Makes me softly sing along My head rests on your shoulder You turn your head I see you smile This is where I want to be You...
Posted February 12, 2012
If I think back There were some signals Like unconnected dots Now forming into shape Too fast This shape shows up As out of nothing Slithering and sliding Uttering sneaky sneers Provoking I look into its eyes My words disintegrate Gasping for air The floor under my feet Is where? A million fears pop up Each fighting for attention My head starts spinning I want to run and look Away Then I remember How strong I've grown And whatever slithers by Is open for evaluation...
Come on, let's play!
Posted January 28, 2012
No blood runs through these stiffened veins No heart beats in these frozen chains This cold, persuasive, rigid grip so strong Has been my guide and keeper way too long Children are playing in the sand without a care Their magnetizing laughter fills the seasalt air And in the layer that has always held me back I punch and beat until I see a little crack I want to be there with them in the soothing sun To play and feel that life has only just begun No fearful thoughts to fill me up, ...
Posted December 20, 2011
An evanescent layer of nothing Asphyxiating me relentlessly Like a heavy soaked cloak I can't shake Yet Entangled in unfinished lines Belittled by unspoken words A twisted transformation I can't reverse Yet Thoughts bicker with memories A brainstorm fabricating questions Each leading to another 'why?' I can't answer Yet Overthrown by infinite emotions Trying too hard to keep my sanity Breaking defenses, the tears I can't stop Yet I may feel heavy now and so so small ...
Posted December 02, 2011
In our lives we meet so many people who are 'mirrors' for us. They show us what we can learn and help us polish all the facets of the diamonds that we are. Of course they don't hand it over just like that. It's a process, usually a slow one ;-) In return, we are mirrors to others too. For me a big lesson is to have more selfrespect and less (self-)expectations. I let people cross the line because I feel I have to live up to their expectations. It's a two-way-street, however not alway...
Posted October 15, 2011
Some doors swing wide open As soon as you come near There's no hesitation whatsoever And it doesn't matter who is there Some doors are better closed The key thrown away as far as you can In a wild turbulent river with no end You'll be sure no one ever finds it again Some doors are magic portals Taking you back in time and space Reviving memories and dreams Some may enter and some may not Some doors have no keyhole The ones that are most precious They need a magic word or ridd...
Posted October 05, 2011
Peel off old skin You were hidden under and you shouldn't be Section by section Rubbing it gently Until it's all gone No blood, no hurt Accepting change That's unavoidable New skin grew fast Faster than I thought Be ever possible A healthier skin Soft but firm and ... Totally mine
Posted September 30, 2011
Early this morning my 10 year old crawls into my bed and wraps his arms around me. I hold him as close as possible for a while, stroking and kissing his hair. As I let my tears go without making a single sound, so he will not notice, he asks 'mommy, why does your heart hurt so much?' My goldnugget is just as sensitive as me and I just can't hide, I should have known. At that point Murphy, our 9 weeks old kitten, shows up and jumps upon the bed and makes us laugh chasing his little tail. ...
Under water communication
Posted September 21, 2011
It's not always super to be highly sensitive. And I don't mean bursting into tears at every little thing, but sensitive in a way that I can feel what somebody is thinking or feeling underneath what is coming out of her or his mouth/pen. At times I really really wish I wasn't. Because it often completely messed me up. With people that I don't know that well, it doesn't really matter, I can smile about it and go on my way. With friends or people you love that is a different thing. It has al...
Posted September 14, 2011
My mind was playing tricks again My heart tried so hard to ignore Lost in impulsive viciousness and guilt Too much judgement and no consideration An overflow of mixed emotions Lost in an overanalyzing hurt Can't trust my sanity no more Can't trust my intuition either Lost in disbelief and wariness I really thought I could fight it I really felt I could trust now But I was wrong my darling I still have so much more to learn You leave an aching void But I want you to be saf...
The House of Self Destruction
Posted July 23, 2011
The House of Self Destruction This house of mine it looks so great So warm, so light, so full of cheer The frontdoor is a smashing smile Invites you to come near Before you have a chance to knock The door swings open and you see The hallway with a hundred doors All painted psychedelically I watch you through a mirror window See you exploring, door by door Some doors are slightly opened up You smile and go for more I so much want to feel like Cinderella Hoping that you wou...