An excerpt from the soon to be smash Broadway hit “Lord Stuyvesant.”
May 08, 2012
[Stage is dark. The settings of a dining room can be seen dimly, with a person sitting at the head of the table.]
L.S. [speaking in a deep baritone to actors just offstage] “Good evening. Welcome to my humble hall.
[Stage lights come up revealing an opulent room and dining table. The actor remains shrouded in the dark, his shape giving the impression of wearing a cloak or some loose flowing garment]
L.S. [Still speaking offstage, voice occasionally sounding almost like a moan] Please don’t be shy. Do come and sit down, dinner will be served shortly. What’s that? One of your friends has wandered off you say? Dear me how terribly foolish to get separated in such a large old house as this.
Well no matter, I am sure he will show up somewhere or other. Now do come and make yourselves comfortable. Oh anywhere is fine, I’m not particular. I am actually quite new to both this neighborhood and lifestyle, and not one to stand on too much ceremony.
How did I come to live here you say? Well it’s a simple enough story. I worked for one of the CEO’s for the company involved in that outbreak scandal not too long ago. Yes, I thought you might have heard about it. Well during the course of all that mess he rather lost his head and was no longer able to carry on. When that happened I was just lucky enough to be able to step into his shoes and keep going.
Your friend is still not here you say? Oh, well. … Ah, here comes dinner now.
[A sound of slow shuffling steps is heard and a hunchbacked waiter brings in a covered dish and sets it before L.S. the servants movements are clumsy and halting and he seems to have trouble breathing]
L.S. Excellent! I really was only too glad to receive that promotion when I did. I have always felt that one ought to be able to enjoy the finest things in life…[while he is speaking the servant removes the cover and the lights come up on L.S simultaneously revealing a dish of fresh brains and a zombie dressed for the opera]….regardless of who or what they may be.
[The sound of screeching bats is suddenly heard in the distance]
L.S. My only real complaint is those bloodsucking fiends who call themselves neighbors.