morraha's blogs

Thoughts on Femininity.

March 30, 2012

I want to take a stand for the feminine today. Not the feministic, nor the girly, but the feminine. I happen to hate the word girly, and things that are termed as girly. If you get giggly and happy over puppies, kittens, and things of that nature then suddenly you are "girly" You are suddenly perceived as cute, and never again taken seriously. I hate that.

Has no one ever taken the time to ponder why it is that young women like things like flowers and puppies and all those pictures of children dressed up in precious little outfits? It's because of our nature. Women were designed and created to be the caretakers, the nurturers. Some women do not desire this or perhaps are not cut out for it, and there is no shame in that. But neither is there shame in being feminine and taking delight in feminine things.

The deepest and fondest wish of my heart is to find my one true love, get married and have a family. I want to be a stay at home Mom. I decided I wanted that when I was 15, and nothing has ever even come close to shaking me from that. No matter how much I have studied or seen the fun I can have when unattached. No matter how much trouble I've had when dealing with kids even for a few hours. I still want that. I want to possess the joy I can see in my Mother's face and hear in her voice, when her children are near her. There is nothing wrong with wanting that.

I have seen women try to subdue their feminine traits (I'm one of them) because they wish to be taken seriously, they are tired of people smiling indulgently when they are trying to talk seriously. One thing I am learning to accept about myself is that I am "Cute". I'm not talking physically I just mean my personality. I suppress my squeals of delight over all the sweet little things that make me smile, because when I don't anyone who is with me just smiles and looks as though they want to pat my head like I'm a little girl. Sometimes they actually do, and if I get mad they smile even more. When that happens my soul clenches up inside of me, and I feel like a little kid that no one thinks is able to truly possess an opinion or understand what is going on.

I'm not sure if I still have a point here, I think it went rambling off several paragraphs ago (I can see all those people grinning as I say that) but what I do want to say is this. For myself and for anyone who feels the way I do. There is nothing wrong with the way we are. Women were created to love and care and adore the beauty of life. You can ask nearly any guy on the face of the planet and they will tell you that women are far more beautiful creatures than they are. And it’s true, we were meant to be so. Women were given the task of bringing joy and beauty to life. And it is a wonderful, wonderful thing to be charged with. Even for all my chagrin at being smiled upon and patted on the head. There are times when I know that I have truly brought joy to someone or made that person's day a little brighter. And when that happens it thrills my soul, it makes me feel…like I have fulfilled my purpose.

I'm not at all trying to say that I think every woman needs to give up her career or discard her interest in sports or science and take up flower pressing and wear cute little aprons around the house. NOT AT ALL. But I think women should no longer be afraid to let themselves be who they are. There was an article I had to read in English years ago the infuriated me, because the woman who wrote it was doing nothing more than telling parents they were doing the absolute wrong thing by letting their daughters go into the arts rather than making them take science or business or something such as that. She lamented the parents who just accepted it when their daughter told them she wanted to take classes on drawing and painting because she had to no real skill or interest in other fields. The author decried the parents for not taking a stand and making their daughter do something more worthwhile with her time. She claimed that they would cripple their daughter by not making her live up to her full potential as a woman.

My opinion is that this woman is full of it. There is nothing less than womanly in taking an Arts major. Nor is there anything less womanly in being a business student. If you let a girl choose what she likes and who she wants to be then she will grow up into a wonderful person. My mother has done that with all of her children and we have all grown up knowing who we are and what we want. I want to be a mother. Highly educated yes, but only so that I will be more fully equipped to take care of my family. My little sister is a beautiful wonderfully graceful ballerina and is most likely going to be a great choreographer as well. She can also kick your butt easy as pie if you cross her, and usually won't be caught dead in a skirt or make-up unless she is on stage. But that girl knows she is a woman and she is proud of it, and happy about it.

What I'm trying to say with this long-winded tangent is this. Your femininity does not depend on what you like or dislike. My sister in law loves sports, and she has way more cosmetics and beauty products than I probably ever will. I have only what I need to get by and hardly ever watch sports, But we are both truly women despite our differences. You don't need to fight to be a woman. You don't need to "prove yourself" to the world. Yes woman are often called to fight for womanhood. But don't fight for what you think people want a woman to be or what the common conception of a strong or proper woman is. If you have to fight, then fight for who you truly are and truly desire to be. If someone thinks you are less than feminine because you like to wear black, or you get as excited over the Superbowl as any guy, then so what. If you are treated as a poor example of a woman just because you want to stay home and raise a family and you like having doors opened for you. Who cares!

Women are far stronger, far tougher, and far wiser than men in many ways. And the inverse is true as well. Men are stronger, tougher and wiser than women in their own rights. We were created that way so that we would be a match for each other. We are meant to be two halves that fit together to make one whole. Our strengths and weaknesses complimenting each other so that if one falls the other can catch them. I think that is beautiful and wonderful and I can't wait to discover my other half.

I am a woman, I am feminine, and I like pretty colors and flowers. I am capable of making you go temporarily deaf when I get excited. I love children, puppies, and kittens. I'd rather have chipped nails and wear chucks and thick eyeliner than put on a pink dress. But I never pass up the chance to wear a ball gown and be the princess. I know who I am and what I like and I love it. And I think that it is time for me to stop fighting and just let myself be me, and if anyone doesn't like that…. oh well!

Originally written Sep, 2007.