Description: All malapropisms, mispronunciations, mangalizations, misuses and murderizations of the English idiom by this fabliau have NOT been tested on Faeries, animals and especially- Deadly Dergals.
Dergal [dur-gawl] noun- Little is known of Dergals except that they seem to be remarkably dangerous.
FEN FERGAL THE DANGEROUS DERGAL
By Trousers Salvatore
From the wild lands Hither, Whither and Whence
Up the road an' beyond the Dappled Orchards an' the Mumbly Fence
Lived our tales Fen Fergal the Dangerous Dergal-
a mean beastie an' serpent who'd pillage, stomp and burgle
It were Fen's belief that her small heart weren't to 'ave bin so contentious an' callous
had she bin born'd just slightly taller or perhaps bin named Dorothy or Alice
O' so many braverly men and moony knight
tested Fen Fergal's monstrously, murderous might
Only to flee an' fly home quite summarily an' certificantly beaten
To light the Doomy Candles, (it be the custom in these parts for those who'd bin eaten)
Ah, of Fen's marrow disposition I think I've bin abundamentally clear
she weren't the affectionate sort ever to be called Hunny-Bunny, Bobkins or Dear
It were a muggily mornin' in the month of Mear
( a famously unknown month that only just occured that one year)
Fen awoke in her dirkly, darkly, dungy old den
the thunderous night before- SOMEONE had boldly, creepily crept in!
The culprit an' creepster, the sneakily sneakster
was snuggily snuggled asleep against her
Fen glared her grim an' glary eye, (a dreadfully look that once felled a Lark an' two oxen stone dead)
for her victim were 'bout to be stripped of their boldy bones for her breakfasty bread!
As the intrepidly, intrepid intruder so daringly, unwarily an' uncaringly slept
Fen felt slightly strange an' for the first time sobbingly slobber'd an' girlishly, gigglishly wept!
Fleeing in fribbling an' froaming fright is just NOT what occurred!
Rather, the invader simply slept snuggly against Fen an' purred
On that muggily mornin' in the month of Mear
a contentious an' callous heart became suddenly dear
Past the Dappled Orchards an' Mumbly Fence
Beyond the wild lands Hither, Whither an' Whence
In the humbly homes an' happy hearths of every happily humbled hamlet
the Doomy Candles forevermore an' evermore would nevermore be lit
For this Dangerous Dergal were no longer dangerous- she be quite lovingly smitten
Our Fen Fergal were now kindly an' motherly of a wee kiddily, cuddily kitten!